Transparency is freedom, so I commit to sharing my story with you.
This post was brewing for a year. I started to type it out and then I stopped numerous times. Rationalized that I have other ways to express my faith. People that know me personally, already know that I am a strong believer. That I am a follower of Jesus Christ. I don’t need to be one of those social media tooters that express my “faith” online. If you talk to me, or ask me personally what I do or what I believe in–then I can tell you. That was my rationale. An explanation I fed myself many many times, only to be followed by a nudging gentle voice telling me that, that isn’t valid.
So here it is. And the reason why suddenly on a Saturday night–mid my own personal bible study, I stopped to type this out. I was in John 12, the chapter where Jesus was on his way to being crucified and was speaking to the crowds that had gathered around him as He entered Jerusalem. He was talking about how He was to die. He had performed many miracles at this point and the crowd was divided on how they felt about Him. Some didn’t believe He was the Son of God, point blank. But there was a population that did, and this is what the scripture said about a certain group of them.
“Yet at the same time, many even among the leaders believed in Him. But because of the Pharisees, they would not openly acknowledge their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; for they loved human praise more than praise from God.” John 12:42-43
You know when you’re scrolling through Tumblr and you stop on a quote that just encapsulates your current situation all too well? Well, these verses were basically a Tumblr moment. Somehow, down the line I had gotten comfortable and started to really care about what image I presented to people. And of course I would feel that way. I’m a fashion blogger. Image is the crux of what I do. But I let the love of keeping my perfect image creep into my heart, diverting the original reason why I started this blog. It was to not only showcase my passion for fashion and styling, a gift given to me by God, but it was also to also outwardly glorify Him for the HUGE transformation He has made in my life. Four years ago, when a camera was pulled out, I would be the first one to run down the hall, for fear of being captured. I didn’t like the way I looked. I hated it. I was extremely insecure.
But God took me, as a caterpillar and turned me into a butterfly. I am posting photos today because He has given me courage. He has given me vision, passion, and so much more. Yet, I am shirking my most basic, fundamental duty as His daughter. To share my joy about Him to others–especially on this platform where many of you all peruse.
So here I am. I give God the glory. He is the reason why this blog started. On December 2013, a voice planted the seed of this blog in my head and look at where I am now.
Strangely, doing ministry and campus evangelizing/worship was easier than this. But I am determined to no longer have this part of my life be a “secret” or a special topic reserved for in person conversations. I am a follower of Jesus through and through, and my identity lies in Him before any piece of fabric. So tomorrow, even if my blog tanks, and I have no more money to buy clothes, I can still joyfully stride down the street knowing that those things don’t foundationally make me, me. I have something much more concrete than that.
So I’m sharing this now. And I share this in the hopes that it can/will spark conversation…curiosity even? In the hopes that people that don’t know me on a personal level, can see a little bit more of who I am, besides the manicured pictures. And most importantly, hopefully desire to share in the same joy that I have now.
Thank you to everyone who has encouraged and affirmed me throughout this year regarding my blog, passions, pursuits, and faith. More to come.